Today I was driving all over southern Ontario for what turned out to be no particular reason. I was listening to the music from the car radio trying to drown out that stupid voice in my head. As if anything can kill that thing. Anyway, I began thinking about all the drugs and their names along with their effect and how some drugs like “ecstasy” are literally named after the way they make you feel. Then it occurred to me that I don’t know why “crack” has that name or why cocaine doesn’t also have a better name. Obviously its name comes from the plant it’s made from but if we were naming drugs by their effect it seamed to me it should be called “more”! More because there is never enough.
So, there I was driving around thinking about drugs. Then an experiment popped into my head. If you created a comfortable room with an ensuite bathroom. Then added a couple of doors that only lock from the outside and you placed someone inside and told them as long as they never left that room they would have an unlimited supply of tobacco, alcohol and cocaine, do you think anyone would ever leave that room?
I mean at some point they would die! However, would anyone willingly leave of their own accord?
Then I thought of you and I wondered, was that room your life? In which case you not only survived but managed to leave that room!
Congratulations. I’m even more impressed by you than was.
You have the best thoughts while driving around southern Ontario, Mauro. I have to admit -- your scenario gave me pause.
Ask me a year ago and I'd easily say, 'Yes, please. Lock me in that room - and keep it coming."
And you're right -- that room was my life. I think every addict I've ever known is in that room. They'll stay there, no matter how obvious it is to everyone -- including themselves -- that they're going to die in there.
How do we get out? I don't know. But for me, I think it had something to do with the 'room' not being very well-provisioned. It started out pretty grand -- an abundance of everything, But eventually, the room became unlivable. Someone cut the electricity. I had shitty, violent roommates. And, most importantly, the supply of tobacco, alcohol and cocaine dried up -- for junkies, that's kind of like starving to death.
Rock bottom, I guess. At least, Hell's sub-basement.
Maybe if you had administered the room, I might have stayed until the bitter end. So I guess I owe my life to the walls of my room crashing down.
Also, let's face it, the name for 'crack' is an epic marketing fail. But maybe that's a good thing. The warning label is built into the name. Crack is what it does to your life.
Imagine how much more devastating it would be with a name like Ecstasy or heroin!
I wish you a very happy and healthy New Year. The struggles of leaving the known life you had and venturing into the new life you have created has been an amazing journey. I watch and commend you for continuing to recover from a world of pain suffering and darkness. Thank you for letting me come along through your writings. With every new blog I read I see the real you unfold. Mom has been waiting for her boy to reappear and become the happy smart loving person she has never forgotten. From the sparkle in her eyes and laughter in her voice I believe she is seeing this happening more and more everyday. Thank you for making her dreams come true. I like to see my friends happy.
Today I was driving all over southern Ontario for what turned out to be no particular reason. I was listening to the music from the car radio trying to drown out that stupid voice in my head. As if anything can kill that thing. Anyway, I began thinking about all the drugs and their names along with their effect and how some drugs like “ecstasy” are literally named after the way they make you feel. Then it occurred to me that I don’t know why “crack” has that name or why cocaine doesn’t also have a better name. Obviously its name comes from the plant it’s made from but if we were naming drugs by their effect it seamed to me it should be called “more”! More because there is never enough.
So, there I was driving around thinking about drugs. Then an experiment popped into my head. If you created a comfortable room with an ensuite bathroom. Then added a couple of doors that only lock from the outside and you placed someone inside and told them as long as they never left that room they would have an unlimited supply of tobacco, alcohol and cocaine, do you think anyone would ever leave that room?
I mean at some point they would die! However, would anyone willingly leave of their own accord?
Then I thought of you and I wondered, was that room your life? In which case you not only survived but managed to leave that room!
Congratulations. I’m even more impressed by you than was.
You have the best thoughts while driving around southern Ontario, Mauro. I have to admit -- your scenario gave me pause.
Ask me a year ago and I'd easily say, 'Yes, please. Lock me in that room - and keep it coming."
And you're right -- that room was my life. I think every addict I've ever known is in that room. They'll stay there, no matter how obvious it is to everyone -- including themselves -- that they're going to die in there.
How do we get out? I don't know. But for me, I think it had something to do with the 'room' not being very well-provisioned. It started out pretty grand -- an abundance of everything, But eventually, the room became unlivable. Someone cut the electricity. I had shitty, violent roommates. And, most importantly, the supply of tobacco, alcohol and cocaine dried up -- for junkies, that's kind of like starving to death.
Rock bottom, I guess. At least, Hell's sub-basement.
Maybe if you had administered the room, I might have stayed until the bitter end. So I guess I owe my life to the walls of my room crashing down.
Also, let's face it, the name for 'crack' is an epic marketing fail. But maybe that's a good thing. The warning label is built into the name. Crack is what it does to your life.
Imagine how much more devastating it would be with a name like Ecstasy or heroin!
I wish you a very happy and healthy New Year. The struggles of leaving the known life you had and venturing into the new life you have created has been an amazing journey. I watch and commend you for continuing to recover from a world of pain suffering and darkness. Thank you for letting me come along through your writings. With every new blog I read I see the real you unfold. Mom has been waiting for her boy to reappear and become the happy smart loving person she has never forgotten. From the sparkle in her eyes and laughter in her voice I believe she is seeing this happening more and more everyday. Thank you for making her dreams come true. I like to see my friends happy.
What a kind message. That means so much. Thank you. And thanks, also, for being here. Happy New Year!